By Nesting or Resting 
In modern dating, trends and terms constantly evolve, shedding light on previously overlooked behaviors. One such trend is “pocketing” or “stashing,” a practice that’s become increasingly common in relationships. But what exactly does it mean to be pocketed or stashed? Is it a red flag, or could a benign reason exist?
In this blog post, we’ll explore the nuances of pocketing, why it happens, its impact on relationships, and what you should do if you suspect you’re being pocketed.
Meaning of Pocketing: What is Pocketing/Stashing in Relationships?
Pocketing, also known as stashing, refers to the act of keeping a romantic partner hidden from others, particularly from friends and family.
Unlike a secret relationship, where both parties agree to keep things under wraps, pocketing typically occurs when one partner intentionally avoids introducing the other to the important people in their life. This behavior might involve avoiding social media posts, steering clear of family gatherings, or never mentioning the partner in conversations with close friends.
Origin of the Term
The term “pocketing” originates from the idea of someone being kept in a metaphorical pocket, out of sight and out of mind.
The term “stashing” serves a similar purpose, implying that the person is being hidden away like something you stash for later. Both terms have gained traction in dating discussions, especially as people become more aware of toxic behaviors in relationships.
Difference Between Pocketing and Secret Relationships
While both involve some level of secrecy, pocketing differs from a secret relationship. In a secret relationship, both partners might agree to keep things private for various reasons—perhaps due to cultural or familial pressures.
Pocketing, on the other hand, is often one-sided and can lead to feelings of rejection and insecurity in the person being pocketed.
Why Do People Pocket Their Relationship?
Pocketing is a behavior that can be confusing and hurtful, leaving the pocketed partner questioning the true nature of their relationship. Understanding the reasons behind this behavior is crucial for addressing it effectively. Here, we delve into some of the common motivations that lead people to pocket their relationships.
1. Fear of Commitment
One of the most common reasons people pocket their partner is a fear of commitment. By keeping the relationship hidden, they avoid making it “real” in the eyes of those who matter to them. This behavior allows them to maintain the relationship on their terms without the pressure of integrating their partner into their life fully.
2. Embarrassment or Shame
Another reason for pocketing could be embarrassment or shame. This might stem from differences in social status, age, appearance, or other factors that the pocketing partner perceives as potentially embarrassing.
They might fear judgment from their social circle and choose to keep the relationship private to avoid scrutiny.
3. Keeping Options Open
Pocketing can also be a way to keep options open. By not introducing a partner to their social circle, the pocketing person can avoid questions about exclusivity and maintain the freedom to pursue other romantic interests.
This behavior can be particularly harmful as it often leads to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy in the pocketed partner.
4. Past Relationship Trauma
Sometimes, past experiences can influence someone to pocket their current partner. If they’ve been hurt or betrayed in previous relationships, they might be hesitant to fully invest in a new one. Pocketing, in this case, acts as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from potential future pain.
Impact of Pocketing a Relationship
The effects of being pocketed go beyond mere frustration or confusion; they can have deep emotional consequences that affect the overall health of the relationship. It’s essential to recognize how pocketing impacts both partners and the relationship as a whole. Let’s explore the potential ramifications of this behavior.
Emotional Consequences
Being pocketed can have significant emotional consequences. The pocketed partner might feel undervalued, unimportant, or even ashamed of the relationship. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and a decrease in self-esteem.
The uncertainty of the relationship’s status can create a constant sense of unease, leading to emotional turmoil.
Trust Issues
Pocketing can erode trust within a relationship. The person being pocketed may begin to doubt their partner’s intentions, wondering why they aren’t being introduced to important people in their partner’s life.
This doubt can extend to other areas of the relationship, leading to a lack of trust and, eventually, to the relationship’s breakdown.
Social Isolation
Another impact of pocketing is social isolation. When one partner is kept away from the other’s social circle, they miss out on building relationships with their partner’s friends and family. This isolation can make the pocketed person feel disconnected and lonely, further straining the relationship.
Long-Term Relationship Consequences
In the long term, pocketing can prevent a relationship from developing fully. A healthy relationship involves integrating each other into all aspects of life, including social and familial circles.
When this doesn’t happen, the relationship remains stagnant, unable to progress beyond a certain point. This stagnation can lead to dissatisfaction and, ultimately, the end of the relationship.
Signs You Are Being Pocketed in Your Relationship
Identifying whether you’re being pocketed can be challenging, especially when the signs are subtle. However, recognizing these red flags is the first step toward addressing the issue. Here are some key indicators that you might be experiencing pocketing in your relationship.
Lack of Social Media Presence
It could be a sign of pocketing if your partner is active on social media but never posts about you or your relationship. While not everyone is comfortable sharing their personal life online, a complete absence of any mention of the relationship can be a red flag.
Avoidance of Public Outings
If your partner avoids going out in public with you, especially where they might run into people they know, this could indicate that they are pocketing you. This behavior often suggests that they don’t want others to know about your relationship.
No Introductions to Friends or Family
A significant sign of pocketing is if your partner consistently avoids introducing you to their friends or family. If they make excuses or seem reluctant whenever the topic comes up, it might be because they are intentionally keeping you hidden.
Inconsistent Communication
If your partner’s communication with you is inconsistent, especially when it comes to making plans or talking about the future, it could be another sign of pocketing. This behavior can indicate that they aren’t fully invested in the relationship and are keeping their options open.
Excuses for Not Taking Photos Together
If your partner avoids taking photos with you or refuses to be tagged in pictures together, this might be a sign of pocketing. This behavior could indicate that they don’t want others to see evidence of your relationship.
What Should You Do If Your Partner is Pocketing You?
Discovering that you’re being pocketed can be an upsetting realization, but it’s important to take proactive steps to address the situation. Communication, setting boundaries, and evaluating your relationship are crucial actions to consider. Here’s what you should do if you find yourself in this situation.
Communicate Your Concerns
Express how their behavior makes you feel and ask for an explanation. It’s possible that there’s a misunderstanding, and open communication can help clarify the situation.
Set Boundaries
If your partner continues to pocket you despite your conversation, it’s essential to set boundaries. Let them know what you need from the relationship and what behavior is unacceptable. Be clear about your expectations and the consequences if they aren’t met.
Evaluate the Relationship
After setting boundaries, take some time to evaluate the relationship. Consider whether your partner’s behavior is something you’re willing to accept or if it’s a deal-breaker. Remember that a healthy relationship involves mutual respect and openness.
Seek Professional Help
If pocketing is causing significant distress in your relationship, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or relationship counselor can provide guidance and support as you navigate this challenging situation.
Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, pocketing may indicate deeper issues in the relationship that can’t be resolved. If your partner isn’t willing to change or if their behavior continues to hurt you, it might be time to walk away. Prioritize your well-being and know that you deserve a relationship where you are valued and respected.
Final Words
Pocketing in relationships can be a subtle yet harmful behavior that leaves one partner feeling undervalued and isolated. While there might be various reasons behind pocketing, it’s essential to recognize the signs and address the issue head-on.
Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and openness, so if you find yourself being pocketed, take steps to communicate your concerns, set boundaries, and evaluate the future of the relationship.
FAQs
Is pocketing a form of emotional manipulation?
Pocketing can be a form of emotional manipulation, especially if it’s done intentionally to control or belittle the other partner. By keeping the relationship hidden, the pocketing partner can maintain power and avoid accountability. This behavior can lead to significant emotional harm for the person being pocketed.
Why is my husband pocketing me?
If your husband is pocketing you, it’s important to consider the possible reasons behind his behavior. It could be due to fear of commitment, embarrassment, or unresolved issues from past relationships. Open communication is key to understanding his motives and addressing any underlying problems in the relationship.