By Nesting or Resting 
In today’s digital age, dating and relationships have evolved with technology, giving rise to new terms and phenomena that can sometimes be confusing. One such term that has gained traction is “orbiting dating.”
You might be encountering orbiting if you’re puzzled by someone who consistently lingers on the periphery of your online world without engaging directly. Let’s explore what orbiting in dating means, how it differs from other behaviors like ghosting, and how you can effectively deal with it.
What Does Orbiting Mean in Dating?
Orbiting in dating refers to a situation where someone you were romantically involved with or interested in remains present in your digital space without engaging in direct communication.
The term “orbiting” was coined by Anna Iovine, in her 2018 essay for the Man Repeller blog. She described it as the act wherein a former suitor “keeps you in their orbit” – close enough to see each other, far enough never to talk.
This phenomenon could only exist in the age of social media apps, wherein the orbiter would keep interacting with your social media posts, such as liking photos or viewing stories, without initiating any real conversation or rekindling the relationship.
This behavior creates a paradox where they are present and visible in your online world but avoid direct, meaningful interaction. It’s as if they are circling around you, maintaining a presence without truly committing to a renewed connection.
Orbiting vs. Ghosting: How They Are Different
While both orbiting and ghosting are frustrating behaviors, they are distinctly different.
Ghosting occurs when someone abruptly cuts off all forms of communication without any explanation. This sudden disappearance leaves the other person confused and often hurt, as they are left without closure or understanding.
Orbiting, on the other hand, involves a lingering, passive presence. Instead of disappearing entirely – the person remains visible through likes, comments, or views on social media, but does not engage in any direct communication. This behavior creates a state of ambiguity where you’re unsure if the person is still interested, wants to reconnect, or is merely keeping tabs.
Signs of Orbiting in Dating
Identifying orbiting dating behavior can be tricky because it often manifests subtly through online interactions. However, several signs can indicate that someone is orbiting you:
1. Frequent Social Media Engagement
One of the most apparent signs of orbiting is frequent engagement with your social media posts. This includes
- liking your photos
- commenting on your status updates
- consistently viewing your stories.
These actions can seem like a form of attention but lack the depth of direct communication.
2. Consistent Viewing of Your Online Content
If someone regularly views your social media stories, posts, or updates without interacting beyond that, it might be an indication of orbiting. This behavior can suggest that they are interested in your life but are unwilling or hesitant to engage in a more substantial way.
3. Sporadic Interactions Without Direct Communication
Orbiters may engage in sporadic interactions, such as occasional likes or comments, without initiating conversations through direct messages or calls. This pattern can create confusion, as the person’s digital presence remains noticeable, but they do not engage in meaningful dialogue.
4. Absence of Direct Communication
Despite these online interactions, the person avoids direct communication or making plans to meet up. If the person is not making an effort to talk to you outside of social media, they are likely engaging in orbiting behavior.
Reasons They Maybe Orbiting You
Understanding why they are orbiting can provide clarity and help you navigate the situation more effectively. Here are some potential reasons for this behavior:
1. Lingering Feelings
The person might still have lingering feelings for you but feels unsure about how to address them. They might use social media interactions as a way to stay connected without the risk of direct confrontation or rejection.
2. Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection can be a significant factor. Some people prefer to stay in the background, showing interest through social media interactions rather than risk facing potential rejection or conflict by directly communicating with you.
3. Nostalgia or Habit
Sometimes, orbiting can stem from a sense of nostalgia or habit. The person might miss the connection they once had but is not ready or willing to make an effort to rekindle it fully.
4. Curiosity
Curiosity about your life and what you are up to can also drive orbiting behavior. They may want to keep tabs on you without having a meaningful conversation or re-entering your life in a significant way.
5. Control and Power Dynamics
In some cases, orbiting can be a way to maintain a sense of control or power. By staying visible but not engaging fully, the orbiter may be trying to keep a subtle influence over you without committing to a full relationship.
Psychological Implications of Orbiting
The psychological impact of orbiting can be considerable. For many, it can lead to confusion, frustration, and self-doubt. You might find yourself questioning whether the person is still interested in you or if their behavior is simply a reflection of habitual online interaction.
Dr. Sherry Turkle, a professor at MIT and author of Alone Together, discusses how ambiguous online interactions can blur the lines between genuine emotional connections and digital presence. This “hyperreality” can create emotional distress and make it challenging to move forward from the relationship.
Moreover, orbiting in dating can contribute to prolonged emotional turbulence. The lack of clear communication can prevent closure and make it difficult to fully process and move on from the relationship.
» Orbiting Psychology: Learn why he is orbiting you and how it can impact you psychologically.
How to Deal With an Orbiting?
Handling an orbiter effectively requires a balance of self-awareness and assertiveness. Here are some strategies to manage the situation:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Recognize and validate your feelings of confusion or frustration. It’s important to understand that these feelings are natural and that you have a right to feel them. Acknowledging your emotions can help you approach the situation with a clearer perspective.
Set Boundaries
If orbiting behavior is affecting you negatively, consider setting boundaries on your social media interactions. You might choose to limit visibility or take a break from social media to reduce the emotional impact. Alternatively, you could address the behavior directly with the individual to gain clarity and set expectations.
Focus on Yourself
Redirect your focus towards personal growth and self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and invest in your own well-being. This can help mitigate the emotional impact of orbiting and foster a positive outlook.
Seek Closure
If possible, have a direct conversation with the person to gain clarity about their intentions. This can provide closure and help you move forward without lingering doubts. Direct communication can also help establish clear boundaries and expectations.
Move On
Ultimately, if the orbiting dating behavior continues to cause distress and no meaningful resolution is achieved, it may be best to focus on moving forward. Invest in relationships that offer clear communication and mutual respect, and prioritize your own happiness and well-being.
Bottom Line
Orbiting in dating represents a modern twist on the complexities of relationships, blending digital presence with ambiguous interaction.
By understanding what orbiting is, how it differs from ghosting, and the psychological effects it can have, you can navigate these situations with greater clarity and confidence.
Whether you choose to address the behavior directly or focus on your own path, the key is to approach the situation with self-respect and a commitment to healthy, transparent relationships.
In the end, clear communication and mutual understanding are essential components of any fulfilling connection, and recognizing these elements in your dating life can lead to more genuine and rewarding relationships.