What Is Benching in Dating?

In the world of modern dating, “benching” has emerged as a subtle but frustrating behaviour. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not fully in a relationship but also not entirely out of one, you might have been benched. But what exactly is benching in dating?

The Meaning of Benching

Benching in dating refers to a situation where someone keeps you as an option without committing to a relationship. Think of it as being kept “on the bench” in a sports game—you’re not in play, but you’re also not out. This person may give you just enough attention to keep you interested but never enough to move the relationship forward.

It’s a strategy often used by people who want to keep their options open, ensuring they have someone to fall back on while they explore other prospects.

Benching vs. Breadcrumbing vs. Ghosting

Benching often overlaps with other frustrating dating trends, like breadcrumbing and ghosting. Here’s how they compare:

1. Benching vs. Breadcrumbing
   Breadcrumbing is when someone leads you on by dropping occasional “breadcrumbs” of attention—like sporadic texts or compliments—without any intention of taking the relationship further. While both benching and breadcrumbing involve non-committal behavior, benching is more about keeping you as a backup, whereas breadcrumbing is more about stringing you along.
2. Benching vs. Ghosting
   Ghosting is the act of completely cutting off communication without any explanation. In contrast, someone benching you might still maintain some level of contact, such as liking your social media posts or sending the occasional message, to keep you engaged.
3. Ghosting, Breadcrumbing, and Benching Together
   These behaviors represent a spectrum of modern dating struggles. Ghosting is the most abrupt, breadcrumbing is sporadic engagement with no depth, and benching lies somewhere in between—keeping you around but without clarity or commitment.

Signs You’re Being Benched

Wondering if you’re on someone’s bench? Here are some common signs:

1. Inconsistent Communication
   They only text or call sporadically, often when it’s convenient for them.
2. No Progression in the Relationship
   Despite spending time together, the relationship doesn’t move forward.
3. You’re Not a Priority
   They frequently cancel plans or fail to make any, leaving you wondering where you stand.
4. They Keep You Hooked
   They give you just enough attention—like sweet messages or compliments—to make you stay interested, but not enough to solidify a connection.
5. They Avoid Defining the Relationship
   Any attempt to discuss the future or clarify your status is met with vague responses or avoidance.

Why Do People Bench?

Benching can stem from several motivations:

• Fear of Commitment: The person may not be ready to settle down but doesn’t want to lose the option.
• Keeping Options Open: They may be dating multiple people and trying to decide who they like best.
• Insecurity: Knowing you’re still available can boost their self-esteem.

Are They Benching Me?

If you’re asking yourself, “Is he benching me?” or “Is she benching me?” consider their behavior closely. Trust your instincts—if their actions leave you feeling confused or undervalued, you might be sitting on their metaphorical bench.

How to Handle Being Benched

1. Recognize Your Worth: You deserve someone who prioritizes you and is clear about their intentions.
2. Communicate Your Needs: Have an honest conversation about what you’re looking for.
3. Set Boundaries: Don’t let someone take advantage of your time and emotions.
4. Move On If Necessary: If they’re not willing to commit, it’s better to invest your energy elsewhere.

Final Thoughts

Benching in dating is a modern form of emotional limbo, leaving you neither here nor there. By understanding the signs and motivations behind this behavior, you can make empowered decisions about your love life. Remember, you deserve a partner who’s genuinely committed, not someone who keeps you waiting on the sidelines.